The Scout

Inevitably I will have to leave my ship, set off in a little boat on my own and venture into new territory alone armed with little more than the clothes on my back and the skills I’ve gained through years of study and work. We can see the land on the horizon. It’s that land I need to venture to and plant our flag on the shore – steak out our spot.

I’m procrastinating until the last minute but in the end it’s inevitable. It has to happen for me to get my family safely to Belgium. I have to book the plane ticket. I have to put that full stop at the end of the last sentence of the last chapter in the book that was “Survival in a Crumbling South Africa”.

The date I choose is a date of heartbreak and sacrifice on all our parts – Mrs Black, Speculoos and me. I have no misguided notions that I am most likely not going to be present for Speculoos’ second birthday. I’ll be very sensitive that day if I’m not able to hug her and tell her how much I love her.

Chances are I’m not going to be able to give my awesome wife, Mrs Black, a hug and snuggle on our wedding anniversary either. There’s another day where I’ll be emotionally rubbed raw and under the weather.

I now see how sacrifice is love and love, sacrifice.

It’s because of love that I’m willing and able to bare these pains. It’s out of love that we do what we’re doing. Mrs Black will let me leave because we’ve agreed that ultimately it’s for the best and when this very hard time is done, we will have gained far more than we could ever hope both for us and our little Speculoos.

Even with this in mind, it’s a hard thing to do.

I’ve had a date in mind for a long time now and yet I still toy with it, pushing it back in moments of weak procrastination and brining it forward when I know that the sooner I set out, the sooner I can do what needs doing and have my family stand next to me on our new homeland – our new home territory.

I need the courage to make that full-stop.

I need to book that ticket.

Ciao for now.